Whether you’re sassy, energetic, down-to-earth or intuitive – we can always use the excuse “I can’t help it, I’m an (insert astrology sign here).” This may not be your morning newspaper or favorite magazine telling you what will happen to you today, this month or even this year. But according to the super scientific world of astrology, and because we’ve smoked enough grass (legally) to have a heart-to-heart with the universe, this is which Vegas show you should see based on your zodiac sign.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) – The Smith Center
Traits: Original, Humanitarian, Intellectual
Pinkies up, smarty pants. Aquarius, you know we’re talking to you. Your originality and humanitarian efforts make you the perfect match with The Smith Center. Just by booking your tickets, you’re supporting performing arts and making this world a better place. The elegant concert hall offers different performances every month like “The Color Purple,” “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time,” a cabaret room for jazz lovers and the most classic Christmas extravaganza you ever did see, Nevada Ballet’s “The Nutcracker.” Support a good cause and catch a show at The Smith Center.
Pisces (Feb 19. – Mar. 20) – O by Cirque du Soleil at Bellagio
Traits: Intuitive, Dreamer, Perceptive
We’re being a little straight forward with this one. Every fish needs water, so jump into the deep end at “O” by Cirque du Soleil at Bellagio. You will feel right at home, Pisces when you see the performers dive into the water or resurface from beneath the submerged stage. By the end of the show, you’ll feel like these performers are part of your school of fish. Although the water looks dreamy, please stay in your seat. We know your heart longs for it but leave it up to the performers, there’s a pool for all your water whimsies back at your hotel.
Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19) – Absinthe at Caesars Palace
Traits: Active, Energetic, Aggressive
Not even Match.com could set up this romance, Aries. The stars have aligned on this one so go check out Absinthe at Caesars Palace. The host may fling a million insults at you and get you fired up, but as soon as the show starts you’ll see why you two are soulmates. The first “circus” act might be the most courageous of them all. We don’t know about you, but when a man starts stacking 10 chairs and climbing up them like a monkey, our hearts start to race. This is the type of high-energy act that revs your engine. And there are more physically strenuous stunts where that came from. So, step right up and sign on the dotted line – we’ve just introduced you to your show mate.
Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20) – Le Rêve at Wynn Las Vegas
Traits: Fanciful, Stubborn, Dependable
You’re not dreaming (but we may pinch you anyway), we really are setting you up with the finer things in life. Le Rêve at the ultra-swanky Wynn will tap into the emotions we all know you have dear Taurus, but you’re too stubborn to admit it. Once the curtain gets sucked into the ceiling like a vacuum you’ll be thrusted into a love story that takes many unexpected turns. You might feel overwhelmed with possessiveness when the love triangle forms, but don’t worry it works out in the end. In the meantime, watch the performers execute stunts and dance moves that will make you want to get up out of your seat. This is one show you can count on to deliver unrivaled entertainment.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – Penn & Teller at Rio
Traits: Curious, Talkative, Flexible
It’s only fitting that we picked a show revolved around two people for the Geminis. Penn & Teller at Rio will stroke your curiosity and also resolve it, we know that doesn’t make sense right now but that’s why you have to see the show. They start off by tricking your mind, then turn around and tell you how they do it. The last time we checked, magicians weren’t supposed to tell their secrets. But we’re also not magicians so we appreciate them telling us what’s behind the curtain. Nonetheless, it checks off all your boxes by being chatty, intelligent, witty and even flexible (see the picture above). We don’t really believe in fate, but you’ll probably feel like you were separated at birth.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – V – The Ultimate Variety Show at Planet Hollywood
Traits: Moody, Protective, Caring
By the end of this paragraph, you’ll probably be feeling a different emotion. We understand you have all the feels, and that’s why we paired you up with V – The Ultimate Variety Show at Planet Hollywood. With seven different acts taking the stage, this show has as much variety as you have moods. We can’t tell you exactly what you’ll see since they’re always changing up their roster, but it’ll probably be something along the lines of a street dancer, a master juggler, the Skating Aratas and some rhythmic gymnastics. After the first act, you’ll soon realize they’re big boys and girls so there’s no need to bring out your protective side and become helicopter parents. We know you care, but they’re experts at these death-defying stunts and it shows.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22) – BAZ: Star-Crossed Love at The Palazzo Las Vegas
Traits: Caring, Warm, Authoritative
When you care for someone deeply, you’ll do anything for them. And no one gets that more than BAZ: Star-Crossed Love at The Palazzo. It combines three iconic love stories (“Romeo & Juliet,” “Moulin Rouge” and “The Great Gatsby”) that will leave you in awe over the production value and their powerhouse vocals. The three classics merge to form the ultimate ballad you’ll want to sing to your other half, or your mom depending on who you love more. If there’s anything you take away from these tragedies, it’s that you should take charge and confess your love to the person you’ve been crushing on for a couple months before it’s too late.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept. 22) – Celine Dion at Caesars Palace
Traits: Conscientious, Critical, Reserved
Although Vegas is known to get a little naughty with a side of stripper, we have some things that will appeal to your reserved nature. Céline Dion at Caesars Palace is a classic legend that gives you the bang, boom, pow of the show business you like without any of the skimpy outfits. When she walks on stage you’ll think she came straight off the runway in Paris Fashion Week with her elegant and dazzling gowns. And if you’re not hooked yet, wait till she belts out a few ballads. You’ll be shocked on how fast you fall in love with her, especially because you’re a stickler for quality. Céline is iconic, so there’s no such thing as an off night. So don’t think you’ll get away with being critical, because you won’t have anything to say but “wow.”
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) – LOVE by Cirque du Soleil at The Mirage
Traits: Just, Fair, Artistic
If we were running into a crowd full of protestors, we’d want a Libra by our side. You’re all about fighting for what’s right, and that’s why we paired you up with LOVE by Cirque du Soleil at The Mirage. The Beatles songs are political and talk about fighting the system to create a respectable world. This show takes you on a journey through their classic hits with peace and-ahem-LOVE sprinkled everywhere (obv.). We haven’t seen this much flower power since the ‘60s, so embrace it.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) – Zumanity by Cirque du Soleil at New York – New York
Traits: Passionate, Focused, Determined
Is it getting hot in here or did a Scorpio just arrive? Your passion is your most apparent quality and that’s why you have to go see Zumanity by Cirque du Soleil at New York – New York. This show explores the many sides of sexuality. If we had to place it on the steamy scale, it goes from the “Titanic” car scene to Christian Grey’s red room real fast. These performers are oozing with determination to get into their partners pants so much you won’t be able to peel your eyes away. And although you’ll feel the need, don’t take your clothes off until you’re back in your room or your drunk friend tells you to (which might not be a good idea either but whatever).
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) – Drag Brunch at Señor Frogs
Traits: Outspoken, Restless, Irresponsible
Listen up, Sagittarius. We nailed this one right on the head and you’ll like it. Drag Brunch at Señor Frogs enhances every adventurous, irresponsible and restless bone in your body to the point of major sass overload. These queens were born outspoken and will put anyone in their place. And to make the deal even sweeter, it’s all you can drink mimosas which is Vegas lingo for “Let’s get schwasty.” Let the show (and your unraveling) begin, you’ve just met your match.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) – Human Nature Jukebox at The Palazzo Las Vegas
Traits: Ambitious, Resourceful, Disciplined
Oh, look at you fellow Capricorns. Conservative, resourceful, ambitious – all the traits for the perfect spouse and if this was a dating website we’d be in heaven. Human Nature Jukebox at The Palazzo is about as ambitious as shows get. Before they became famous in the U.S., these Aussie heart throbs were part of the big leagues, and still are in Australia. These mates put on a riveting show with music from past decades that will loosen you up. Instead of listening to a backing track for 90-minutes, you’ll appreciate their finely-tuned voices that show years of discipline. We might not be ready now, but we’ll call you when we’re thinking about walking down the aisle.