Vegas Valentine’s Day for people who hate Valentine’s Day

In the immortal words of J. Geils Band, “Love stinks, yeah yeah.” Not only is love a battlefield, but we still can’t figure out what love has got to do with anything. So if your bae went bye-bye, your booty call never texted back or your whole love life is one big swipe left, we’re here for you – in a totally platonic and commiserative way. Avoid all the sappy couples and PDA this Valentine’s Day and hit up these parties for singles ready to mingle… and hopefully not cry too much into their drinks.

"Table for one. And if you could just seat me in that big open area where everyone can see my loneliness, that would be great. Thanks." Photo courtesy of House of Blues.

“Table for one. And if you could just seat me in that big open area where everyone can see my loneliness, that would be great. Thanks.” Photo courtesy of House of Blues.

Crossroads at House of Blues at Mandalay Bay
When: Sunday, Feb. 14 at 6 p.m.
Why: Because the blues don’t wait for nobody
It’s the House of Blues, so it kinda makes sense that they’d rather sing a song about a breakup than a ballad about a love affair. The Blues is all about singing away the pain. So if you’ve got a rhythm in your heart and a few rhymes to go with it, this might be the party for you. If you bring a picture of your ex you’ll even get a free shot. Sure, that shot won’t actually wipe away the memories of moving in together, getting a cat, breaking up and having to decide who gets the cat, but that’s what the next 11 shots are for. When it’s all done, hopefully you’ll come out of the party with a few good memories and maybe some new tunes to play the next time you see your ex post a selfie with their new mate.

A picture of Mingo when they're empty... like our bedroom. We're so lonely. Photo courtesy of Mingo Kitchen and Lounge.

A picture of Mingo when they’re empty… like our bedroom. We’re so lonely. Photo courtesy of Mingo Kitchen and Lounge.

Love Bites at Mingo Kitchen and Lounge in the Arts District
When: Saturday, Feb. 13 at 6 p.m.
Why: Because that unopened bag of candy is just a painful reminder of what was
We get that it’s a play on words, because they also have delicious bites to eat (try the mac ‘n’ cheese), but we totally agree that love bites. But one thing that doesn’t bite is partying with singles who are down to fundraise. Mingo is partnering with Nevada Youth Network for this even, so be sure to bring food items to donate. Donated items get you a raffle ticket for prize giveaways. So if your ex left some snacks at your place and you just can’t stand staring at them any longer, give them to people who are probably way nicer than that B. The event will have music by DJ Devi Dev, signature cocktails by Fubar Tequila and prizes by Findlay Fiat.

Seriously like one of the only pictures that clean enough for us to use. Photo courtesy of Never Sleep Alone.

Seriously like one of the only pictures that’s clean enough for us to use. Photo courtesy of Never Sleep Alone.

Never Sleep Alone in the Absinthe tent at Caesars Palace
When: Sunday, Feb. 14 at 12:30 a.m. (so really Saturday night, but technically still on V-Day)
Why: Because, as Dr. Schiller puts it, “Tomorrow, your genitals could turn to dust, so use them today.”
We don’t even know what to say about this show. If you’re single, or have a very understanding partner, hitting up this spot will bring new meaning to “public consumption.” Based on the book by Dr. Alex Schiller, this show is all about music, champagne and the potential for hooking up with total strangers, maybe even on stage. Audience members may make out and touch throughout the show, and you might see more of Dr. Schiller than you expected, but this show will leave you with more tingles than you know what to do with. Obviously this show is only for adults, but it’s also only for sex-positive adults who don’t mind the idea of meeting someone fun and new. Leave your prudishness at the door, and maybe hang a tie on the knob on your way in. It’s gonna get steamy.

This could be you, making your ex all jealous of that bull. Photo courtesy of PBR Rock Bar.

This could be you, making your ex all jealous of that bull. Photo courtesy of PBR Rock Bar.

Buck Valentine’s Day at PBR Rock Bar at Planet Hollywood
When: Sunday, Feb. 14 at 9 p.m.
Why: Because a mechanical bull will never leave you for its yoga instructor #bitter
PBR Rock Bar is one of those spots where we always have a great party. Sometimes we’re there with friends and sometimes significant others. But when you’re there this V-Day, it’s best to have neither of those on your mind. You’re there to buck trends and get your goods. Ladies get a $14 open bar with free mechanical bull rides. And if you happen to get thrown off, who knows, you might get caught by a cutie who will offer to buy you your next round. Then you can tell him, “Back off, I have an open bar pass” then get right back on the bull. Cuz that’s how you do you.

This drink is our new bae. It understands us. It doesn't judge us. We love you giant bowl of alcohol. Photo courtesy of Rockhouse.

This drink is our new bae. It understands us. It doesn’t judge us. We love you giant bowl of alcohol. Photo courtesy of Rockhouse.

Rockhouse at Venetian’s Anti-Valentine’s Day Party
When: Sunday, Feb. 14
Why: Because even though you’re single you still wanna be rocked like a hurricane
Rockhouse is where the party goes to get its second wind. So it’s where we like to go when we’re finally ready to get back out there after a bad break up, or after that superlike on Tinder stops replying to our messages. Why you gotta do us like that, thedoctor247? This year they’re offering 50 percent off 100-oz cocktail bowls, so you can share with some friends or down the whole thing yourself as you second-guess every emoji you’ve ever sent. As Rockhouse puts it, they’re throwing a middle finger to love. So if you’re looking for something to do with your middle finger this Valentine’s Day, why not lend it to Rockhouse and enjoy some cocktails while you’re at it.

Always find more bars to drown your sorrows or find your next soulmate on our bars page.

Comments

I came from a little town in the Midwest. And believe me, I’m never going back. It’s probably nice if you love grass and snow; but I love the lights, the glamour, and the flocks of tourists seeking fun and fortune. Once the sun goes down, I’ll be the first one out hitting the clubs or just wandering the Strip for a little nighttime adventure. Passing through Bond on my way to Lily Bar, or taking a shortcut through Double Helix before landing at Parasol Up/Down, I’m the one you’ll randomly bump into – only sometimes literally – strolling through Sin City’s liquored veins – and loving every minute of it.