Fall is here and it’s still triple digits in Vegas, because we like our pumpkin spice with a sunburn. If you’ve come here to escape the chill in the air back home, or because you just need a break from all those beautiful fall colors on the trees, you’re probably also eager to cling onto the last vestige of summer you can find.
We wanted to give summer a resounding farewell, and we’re slightly masochistic when it comes to brain freezes, so we walked a good chunk of the Las Vegas Strip downing drink after frozen drink in an attempt to never let go of the heat. Now we’re showing you how to follow in our stumbling, shivering footsteps so you too can see what the Strip looks like when you’re six drinks deep at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday. You’re on vacation so it’s OK. Here’s the breakdown:
- Drinks: 6
- Time: Just over an hour
- Stomach Ache: Epic
- Tongue: All sorts of crazy colors
- Fun: Yaaas!
- Warnings: Drink responsibly, don’t drive, have a sober person with you, try not to annoy that sober person too much since they’re doing you a favor
We’re going to walk you through the process to make sure you know where you’re going. We don’t want anyone getting lost and we don’t want anyone missing a checkpoint. Just remember, as we go through this course, to stay focused. The Strip has many distractions and we’re on a mission here. And we’re going to start that mission at the coldest spot on the Strip.
Minus 5 at Monte Carlo
Not too far inside the main doors at Monte Carlo lies the chillingly awesome Minus 5. You’re welcome to pay the fee and go all the way into the ice bar if you want. The cold air will probably make the rest of your journey feel nice. But you’ll still want to grab a frozen cocktail from the outer bar so you can carry it with you as you walk, that’s what this is all about after all.
After you have your drink in hand, we’re going to move out of Monte Carlo and hit the Strip. We’re moving north on the west side of the Strip. We realize you’ll soon be too tipsy to understand cardinal directions, so just walk out of the casino, turn left and don’t cross the street yet. You’re going to pass City Center and Crystals—you’re welcome to walk through Crystals if you like—and cross Harmon using the pedestrian bridge. This is also where we want to cross Las Vegas Boulevard and hit up our next drink spot.
PH Shiver at Planet Hollywood
Just outside Planet Hollywood is a cute little walk-up spot called PH Shiver. If you’re walking north, which we will be the whole time, it’ll be on your right just as you approach the main entrance to Planet Hollywood. If you haven’t finished your drink from Minus 5 yet, do that. If you have, then good for you, buy another at PH Shiver. They have all the frozen deliciousness you crave and some fun cup options like a gold champagne bottle. You’re going to get a few fun drink cups along this journey, so hand them to your sober friend as you gain them and make them carry your empties. It’s what sober people are good for.
Now that we’ve established the duties and responsibilities of your babysitter, let’s keep moving north. We’re going to stay on this side of the Strip for a while, so you won’t have to worry about crossing the street. And our next stop is easy to find, so just look for the Eiffel Tower and start walking toward it.
Arc Bar at Paris
In the leg of the Eiffel Tower that’s standing just outside Paris there’s an adorable little bar called Arc Bar. This is one of the main places people get those plastic Eiffel Tower and hot air balloon cups they carry around then stuff into their suitcase still dripping with sugary goodness. Walk up and make your choice. The Eiffel Tower is easy to carry, but the hot air balloon has so many uses once you get home. It’s up to you but remember, the Eiffel Tower is plastic and the balloon is ceramic, just in case you drop it. Onward!
As we keep moving north, the brain freeze should be setting in nicely. It’s also quite possible that your tummy is starting to feel like a dance party at a candy factory. The sugar and alcohol are tangoing inside you and we need to give them a little help with the dip. So let’s get a snack.
Snack Break at Grand Bazaar Shops outside Bally’s
Drinking on an empty stomach is never a good idea. Hopefully you got something to eat before we started all this nonsense, but even if you did you might want something to sop up some of that booze. Grand Bazaar Shops just outside of Bally’s has several taste options to give you a boost of energy and quell the tummy rumbles.
- Jimmy’s Seaside Fries
- Del’s Lemonade & Lobster Rolls
- JoJo’s Jerky
- Sandwich Haven
- Waffle Bar
Whichever you choose, we recommend going savory. You’ve already had a lot of sugar, now it’s time for some salt and carbs. You can sit for a bit and eat your snack or keep walking, because walking, drinking and eating all at the same time are still totally doable for you, right? When you’re ready, keep moving north and take the pedestrian bridge across Flamingo Road and down in front of the Cromwell then in front of the Flamingo.
As you’re walking outside the Flamingo, you’ll come to Margaritaville, where Jimmy Buffet rules and worries are never found. We swung by the 5 O’clock Somewhere Bar, but you could head to one of the restaurant bars or even just start playing some slots if you want to. The whole place is one big would-be tropical paradise where getting a drink is practically a leisure activity. We also recommend watching a bit of the flare bartending in action. At the state you’re probably in, it should be quite entertaining.
After Margaritaville, we’re going to keep moving up the Strip and head past the LINQ. When we walked it we went through the LINQ, but we’re pros at this. If you want to head through the casino you totally can. It’s an easy walk around to the exit on the other side which leads you right into our next stop, otherwise you can head around the front and still get to where we’re going.
Numb Bar at Harrah’s
As you walk in the south side entrance to Harrah’s, you’ll see your next drink awaiting you like a lost puppy seeing its person for the first time in like twenty minutes. Numb Bar is a place to get the classic frozen drinks in collectable cups. You’ll need something big and bold to get us to the finish line, so go all out and get the Up All Night which is full of energy drinks, because your stomach can just deal with it.
After you’ve got your next drink, ask the bartender for directions or have your babysitter walk you through Harrah’s and back out onto the Strip. We’ve got one more spot to hit (which is actually like eight spots) and it’s a bit of a walk. So let’s get hoofing. Keep going until you pass the Venetian, then take the pedestrian bridge back across to the west side of the Strip. Once again you’ll start going north past the Mirage, get momentarily distracted by the volcano, then keep going until you can see the promised land right in front of you.
Pretty much everywhere at Treasure Island
We’ve made it. We’re here. If delicious frozen cocktails had a heaven it would Treasure Island. We haven’t actually measured, since by this point we probably couldn’t even function well enough to stretch out a tape measure, but we estimate that at Treasure Island you can get a frozen cocktail about every three feet—give or take. The first spot you’ll pass is the always enticing Margarita Bar next to the Starbucks. As you keep moving to the boardwalk you’ll find another Margarita Bar just outside the main entrance. And once inside you’ll find a third Margarita Bar, Señor Frog’s and Kahunaville. The volume of frozen drinks must be a pirate thing. All the centuries of scurvy led them to ensure they’d never run out of vitamin C with their rum ever again.
We’ve made it to the end of our run and we’re, more or less, in one piece. Hopefully your sober friend is still talking to you and has only put like half of the stupid things you’ve said on Periscope. And hopefully you only kind of regret the experience.
Now, if you’re really metal, you can try the trip again in a few days, this time on expert mode. This is not for weaklings or people with any sort of liver problems. And we are so not responsible for you losing your pants or asking Hello Kitty to dance. If you’re up to it, here’s the breakdown.
- Fat Tuesday at MGM Grand
- 32 degrees at MGM Grand
- La Salsa Cantina
- Minus 5 at Monte Carlo
- Fat Burger
- PBR Rock Bar at Miracle Mile Shops
- PH Shiver at Planet Hollywood
- Arc Bar at Paris
- Sugar Factory at Grand Bazaar Shops
- Numb Bar at Harrah’s
- Treasure Island
We hope you’ve enjoyed your journey. And if you’re the sober friend, please get your buddy back to their hotel room safely. Then, once they’ve passed out, check out our Vegas Bars Page to find the spot you’d like to quietly and peacefully get a drink without having to carry anyone’s three ceramic hot air balloons that they insisted on buying. We’re totally going to do something with them just hang on to them for a bit and we’ll pick them up later, promise.