How not to be ‘that’ guy at the club

Here’s the thing about “that” guy in the club: There are many of him and they never seem to self-identify. Whether you think it’s OK to feel up a girl you haven’t even spoken to yet just because she’s on the dance floor, or you’re ready to pick a fight with someone because they bumped into you in an incredibly crowded space, you might be “that” guy. Most people can spot you. Most of those people stay away from you. And we fully acknowledge that sometimes that “guy” could be anybody of any gender. But if you’re wondering whether it’s you, follow this simple list to find out how not to be “that” guy in the club.

See that hand? That's the "I'll control where you touch me thank you very much" hand.

Don’t: Grind on someone without permission

This kind of goes together with “don’t be a sexual predator.” And we really wish we didn’t have to start off the list this way. But it happens so often that we sometimes consider ranking it among the heat and the road rage on a list of Vegas hazards. We can’t count the number of times we’ve been in a club, dancing our hearts out, when a guy comes up from behind and has his arms around us while our friend gives us the “do you need help” face. Just don’t do that. It’s horrible. And it ruins people’s nights.

Do: Dance with people like they’re people and not the stuffed animals you had a little too much fun with when you were 13

When you dance with someone in a club, dance with them, not on top of them. Dance like you have the ability to stand without clinging to them like a baby just learning to walk – who also happens to be a total perv baby. Make eye contact. Smile at her face and not her boobs. And just dance. If you get the green light, through signals or her actions, you can touch her and get closer. But wait for those signs. We realize it’s dark and loud in the club, but you still have the ability to communicate. And so does she.

One of them is a photo bomber. One is now dead. Don't worry, she just choked on a pretzel.

Don’t: Invite yourself to other people’s tables

This is another thing we’ve seen way too many times. We’re sitting there at the table we paid a crazy amount of money for (or were given by a PR agency because we’re cool like that) and someone comes up, throws their body onto the couch and falls into us like we’re a bean bag chair and he just smoked 10 bowls. Don’t put your arm around people. Don’t make yourself a drink. And don’t pretend you belong there. Not only do the people who bought the table know what you’re doing, but the security who’s been watching the table knows what you’re doing too. And they won’t see it as a joke.

Do: Politely ask if you can sit down when your feet are tired

There’s nothing wrong with admitting you need a rest. If there’s space on a couch, it’s OK to ask if you can sit down and take a breather. Just do so respectfully. It doesn’t mean you’re suddenly one of the bridesmaids at the bachelorette party and it doesn’t mean you’ve got a shot with the bride. It just means they’re nice people who want you to be comfortable. If you get invited to party with them, that’s great. If not, at least you gave your dancing shoes a break.

Oh hey that's really cool. Next time maybe hold it in until you pass out.

Don’t: Smoke

We might get some criticism on this one from people who just love their cigarettes. But we don’t care even a little bit. Clubs are cramped and have poor ventilation. Don’t make the air even stuffier by filling it with smoke just because you can’t quit nic fitting for a few hours. And don’t push your way through a crowd with a lit cigarette in your hand. That’s just careless.

Do: Not smoke

Seriously. Don’t do it. You know how you don’t lock yourself in a room with a bunch of poison? That’s what going to a club should be like. Respect your fellow breathers and take it outside.

Did I forget to close my mouth? Nah. It's probably fine.

Don’t: Just stand there and stare at people

This tends to be a different demographic than the overly aggressive dancers. This is the guy who stands in one place for four hours nursing a beer and leers at all the girls he wants to think about later when he’s alone. It’s every bit as creepy as we hope it feels. And please know that people do notice you and they talk about you. We get that not everyone is a social creature. And clubs can be awkward if you feel out of your element. But at the very least pretend you’re texting someone. It’s not about looking cool. It’s about not making everyone else feel ogled.

Do: Flirt if you’d like to and pay attention to signals

People go to clubs to be surrounded by and interact with other people. So it’s totally OK to talk to someone and even give them a flirty vibe. Maybe you’ll get shot down. Maybe they’ll just walk away leaving you dangling. But the very nature of being in a nightclub means you can flirt as much as you’d like and enjoy every minute of it. But see the next entry for how far you should take it.

No one understands the pain of being an upper middle class white boy who can't get laid.

Don’t: Get bummed out if you don’t get any action

Clubs are places to dance, drink and have fun. They’re also places to hit on people, get hit on by people and wonder where it’ll go. That might mean you end up in a stranger’s hotel room. It might mean that you fool around right there in the dark club. Yes, it happens. But it also might mean you go back to your room alone and debate whether breaking into the intimacy kit in the mini bar just for yourself is pathetic or just financially irresponsible. No one owes you anything. And even Babe Ruth struck out a bunch of times, or so we heard in a commercial once. So don’t stomp around or give a bad review to the club. And please don’t measure your self-worth on how much “game” you have either.

Do: Be respectful if you do get some action

If you do get some action, whether it’s a room invite or just some petting and tongue action in the club, be cool. It’ll go as far as everyone wants it to go. And it’ll stop when someone wants it to stop. No one’s a slut for doing what they did and no one needs to hear the juicy details at full volume as you’re walking through the casino with your buds. Even if your whole reason for being in Vegas is to hook up with a stranger, that doesn’t mean you have to be the person someone else regrets.

Another stock image. You try writing witty captions every single time.

Don’t: Freak out if a gay person checks you out

It might happen. It might not happen. And thankfully the freak out is something we’re seeing less of. But it’s still a tense moment when you see some guy’s brow turn to stone when another guy looks him up and down. Ask yourself a simple question: Are you upset because someone checked you out and made you feel uncomfortable or are you upset because the person who checked you out may not be the gender you want? If it’s the latter then you’re an ass. If it’s the former, then you’ll find our comment in the next paragraph.

Do: Consider how you make other people feel when you do the same thing

No one deserves to feel objectified if they don’t want to be. So if you’ve genuinely been made to feel dirty or some other form of not how you want to feel because of unwanted attention, you have every right to avoid that person. Just don’t become violent and do consider whether you’ve made other people feel the same way.

This is one of those blogs that we’d hoped was going to turn out funnier than it probably did. And it’s one we really wish we didn’t feel so passionate about writing. But Vegas is a city of nightlife and it’s a place that people from all backgrounds flock to. So clashes are inevitable. We just hope people remember their manners and never let Vegas be an excuse for becoming “that” guy that so many people are warned about.


I came from a little town in the Midwest. And believe me, I’m never going back. It’s probably nice if you love grass and snow; but I love the lights, the glamour, and the flocks of tourists seeking fun and fortune. Once the sun goes down, I’ll be the first one out hitting the clubs or just wandering the Strip for a little nighttime adventure. Passing through Bond on my way to Lily Bar, or taking a shortcut through Double Helix before landing at Parasol Up/Down, I’m the one you’ll randomly bump into – only sometimes literally – strolling through Sin City’s liquored veins – and loving every minute of it.