Don’t Forget The Floaties

poolcrowdIf you’re in Vegas right now, you may have realized temperatures have already reached hot-enough-to-complain-about-them levels.

If you’re not in Vegas right now, well, that’s your loss. Kidding, kidding. You’re not here yet, but you will be.

And for locals and visitors alike the logical (and “logical” here means “pretty much only”) option for spending a prolonged period of time outside is to do it poolside.

Now, just about every hotel has a pool and a lot of them are even running pool clubs, which are like nightclubs, but during the day and by a pool and — the differences sort of end there, I guess.

Whatever pool venue you’ve selected (and this is almost as important a decision as which fruity cocktail to order), there are a few things to remember and, since the season’s rumbling to a start already, let’s review them:

  • Sunscreen. That we have to have this discussion every single year just goes to show you how much you need sunscreen. Because every year you burn, have some sort of traumatic peeling accident and block it from your memory. Just wear sunscreen and you can remember your entire summer. That’s how dire it is, seriously.
  • Drink something other than booze, namely, water. Yes, technically your beer/cocktail/questionable alcoholic beverage has water in it somewhere (probably), but this isn’t sufficient to keep your body going. You’re sweating (or “glowing” if you’re a classy lady), you’re running game, you’re body is trying to figure out how to digest all that margarita. You need water to do all this or you’re going to pass out. And then, while the ambulance is on its way, people are going to draw on your face with permanent marker. Not even joking.

Actually, if you only follow two rules, follow those two, the above ones. But, if you’re a little bit smarter and a little bit more into not hurting yourself and/or others, here are some other suggestions:

  • Watch the shoes. Sure, your heels make your legs look awesome, but the pool deck is wet and there you are, perched precariously five inches higher than your center of gravity thinks you should be. Crashing and falling into the pool is going to be embarrassing; crashing and falling into the deck is going to be painful.
  • Use at least some judgment. Depending on where you’re at, the water might not be the kind you want to swim around in with your mouth open, if you know what I’m saying. Keep an eye on that.
  • Remember that you’re at a pool. You can dress like you’re at a pool. No one is going to make fun of you. Wait, no, why don’t you dress like you’re going to prom or something instead? See how well that goes over. (You should not actually do that. That was just to make a point.)

Oh, and wait, one more that isn’t a suggestion:

  • Don’t do anything that could get you killed. That might seem like a no-brainer, but once you start drinking, you might think it’s a good idea to try swimming or diving head-first into the shallow end or you might start a fight. Yes, it’s awesome and fun by the pool, but that giant tank of water adds a million extra ways you could do something stupid. So, another way of putting this one: Don’t do something stupid.

There. Would you look at that? There was nothing unreasonable, nothing your own mother wouldn’t tell you. You’re all set for swimming in Sin…City.

Don’t forget the floaties.