It’s time to find out perhaps the most important thing you’ll ever know about yourself. Forget enlightenment. Forget which “Ninja Turtle” or “Sex and the City” character you are. This will tell you everything you need to know about yourself as a person and a soul. Or it’ll just kill five minutes and give you an idea of where you want to party tonight. It’s definitely one of those.
To help you figure out whether you want to hit up the club or slide into a bar tonight, we’ve put together some very simple questions that’ll help get to the root of your partying priorities. Answer honestly. Don’t think too hard. And remember that you can always just go someplace else if you pick wrong the first time. That’s the great thing about Vegas, there’s always another party to be had.
How much do you really want to talk to your friends?
Even bars these days are pretty loud. Hell, some steakhouses we know are busting the decibels. But clubs take the cake when it comes to standing right next to a person and saying, “What?… What?!” then just nodding as though you understood them and hoping they weren’t asking for something too creepy. We’re not doing that, Jimmy. We don’t care how securely you’ve anchored the rope-swing.
Sometimes you just want to hang out with your friends and have a conversation, and that’s totally cool. If that’s the case, a bar is the place for you. Some are still loud, but at least you can often head to a patio or just out in front to get your chat on then walk back inside without dealing with the bouncers denying you reentry. If you don’t care about any of that, and you’d rather let your dance moves speak for themselves, then you’re probably up for a club.
How much do you want to pay for drinks?
We’re not going to pretend that drinks in Vegas aren’t expensive. And sure, you’re usually paying for atmosphere, live entertainment taxes and a host of other factors. But if you’re looking to imbibe your share of booze without having to explain to your SO why the kids’ college fund is back down to $35 and a Beanie Baby collection, then maybe you should watching your spending.
Bars have great deals like happy hours and drink specials that they don’t always advertise. And when they do advertise it’s easy to find a cool place to drink without going bust. Clubs on the other hand cater to a higher-end market and want you to spring for the priciest bottle service they’ve got. They want you to feel like a million bucks and to drop somewhere close to that. If you’re willing to pay for the experience rather than just the drink, the club is where it’s at. If you appreciate the nuance in a PBR, then maybe you’d be happier at a bar.
Do you really know who that DJ is?
They’re popular, eccentric and have huge fan bases. That’s why all the clubs in town clamor to get the biggest names in their best slots. They know fans will bust down the door to get a chance to be 15 feet from Calvin Harris. Hey, he might leave Taylor for you. Why not? You’ve got it going on. We’re not here to crush anybody’s dreams. But then again, if you don’t even understand those celebrity references, then it probably doesn’t matter to you who’s behind the deck.
Bars will always have music going on. Many have DJs who play music that’s just as cool but doesn’t come with a six-figure appearance fee. And lots of bars have room to dance. If you don’t know Alesso from Allegra then why are you dishing out the dollars to see DJ Fexofenadine drop the sneeze? Head to a cool bar, get your dance on with a DJ who actually takes requests and have a fantastic night. Or, if you spent that last paragraph readying your argument for why Alesso is the greatest, head to the club and see him live.
Will you die if you don’t hear a guitar riff?
There’s more to music than just big names. Sometimes style is important. We get it, not everyone is into EDM and even fewer understand the intricate differences between the umbrella term and its cores of trance, dubstep, house, deep-house, hard-house, dub-house, full-house, dog-house and out-house… Sorry. Accidentally channelled DJ Tommy Lee Jones for a sec. We get that some people just need their loud guitars. And that’s cool.
Most clubs will be playing EDM or having pop or hip-hop artists on the stage. Local bars are more likely to get a live band that’ll chunk out power chords to remind you of your badass days in your parents’ garage in the hardest part of the cul-de-sac. If that’s you, the one who only rocks on real drums, then get your pick to a cool dive bar and enjoy the sounds you love. If you don’t need that level of live interaction, then you should easily be able to appreciate the artistry of nightclub DJs.
Are you looking to grind or unwind?
Energy is a big part of this process. If you decide to go to a club and you don’t score a table, you’re going to be on your feet — a lot. You’ll be dancing, waiting in line for the bar, waiting in line for the bathroom, waiting in line to get in and waiting in line to remember why you wore the five-inch stilettos. Because they look cute, Jimmy. That’s why. Now hold them while we walk back to the room in bare feet.
If you’ve got the energy to dance all night with barely a water break, and you want to be surrounded by lots of people who feel the same way, then the club is the spot for you. If you’d rather find a nice spot to sit down once the pinching starts on your pinky toe, then maybe you’d prefer a cool bar. We’re not saying you won’t need energy at a bar. You don’t want to be falling asleep in the booth. And you might want to walk to another and another after the first. It’s all good. But it’s not the same. And knowing that difference could keep your little piggies from a world of hurt tomorrow.
What do you want to say tomorrow morning?
There are a few things you never want to say in the morning. “Oh I’m sooooo hung over.” “Where the hell did I leave my purse?” “Please let this stranger in my bed still be breathing.” But what we really hope you never say is, “Damn I really regret that night in Vegas.” We firmly believe that every Vegas story should end with, “And I’d do it all again.” But to get more specific, how you look at tomorrow says a lot about you on this ever-important issue.
Bar people will say things like, “Last night was fun. I met some cool people and I really enjoyed that IPA the bartender suggested. I’m totally getting one of those next time we’re out.” Club people will be all, “OMFGUGZ. That was amazibalicious. I totes had a moment with the hottie on the floor. We were all mmmh and I was like yyeeeey.”
Hopefully one of those makes sense to you. If not, well, then you might be a museum person, and we just can’t even talk to those people.
We sincerely hope this helped you pick your plans. If you’re a cool, casual bar person or a upbeat, bouncy club person, it’s all good. You do you and let Vegas help.
Bar people, check out our Bars Page for chill spots around town.
Club people, check out our Clubs Page for the hottest drops on the block.
And everyone, enjoy Vegas your way.