Celebrating your birthday in Las Vegas: A quick rundown

It was the great American poet, 2 Chainz that said, “Birthday. It’s your birthday.” He also happened to mention something about wanting nothing for his birthday but “a big booty ho.” Profound as these words might be, it’s our belief that they could only be truly appreciated when celebrating one’s birthday in Vegas (or partying at one of the many Las Vegas strip clubs, for that matter). Topless cabarets aside, Las Vegas birthday parties are next level. If you think you’ve seen some ish while walking the Strip that Tuesday night you were here for business, imagine what it’s like to party with a purpose on the day of your birth. Backstroking in a pool full of liquor not your thing? Don’t trip, because there are plenty of things to do in Vegas besides hitting the club. Just keep on reading and we’ll give you the 4-1-1 on how to spend your birthday in Las Vegas.

Getting the day started

Photo Courtesy of Caesars Palace

First order of business for any birthday bash is to get some drank in your cup. Once that’s been taken care of, Vegas is your oyster. There are literally so many things to do here you can’t go wrong, but we suggest starting your bday off with a little R&R. Las Vegas spas can hook you up with all of the cucumbers, nimble fingers and indoor snow fall that your little heart desires (you read that right. We did say “indoor snow fall”). Ladies, we know how much you love to get your hair did. Drybar at Miracle Mile Shops can hit you with a blowout that’ll have you looking like Beyoncé in no time.

Photo Courtesy of Dream Racing Driving Experience

Now that you’re all relaxed and cooler than an Eskimo barefoot in the snow, it’s time to wallow in that dopamine like a pig in mud. And what better way to kick your happiness into overdrive than with a pit-stop at Dream Racing Experience. Just imagine being dressed to the nines in full race gear as you whip a Lamborghini Aventador, Audi R8 or Ferrari F430 GT around Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Trust us, skid marks are cooler than any video game or VR experience –that  didn’t come out right. Fancy yourself a marksman? The Range 702 puts the wind in your sails, the lead in your pencil and will put some hair on your chest. Offering 17,000 square-feet of shooting lanes, in-house gunsmiths and instructors, The Range 702 will have you shootin’ like John Wayne in no time. Ladies (and dudes too, actually), we have a show for ya: Magic Mike Live. Whatever it is that you’re imagining right now is what the show is –except classier. A lot classier –and thought provoking. So much so, that your dude friends are actually encouraged to tag along with you. These gentlemen don’t accept tips or want you to throw money up on stage or any of that nonsense. Instead, they want you to focus on what women really want, oh and the sultry dance moves and comedy.

Stuffing your face

Photo Courtesy of The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas

If all went according to plan, you should be leaving your last experience sweatier than someone who popped in that Kanye Workout Plan video. Besides a long shower, what you need is some grub. And while there are plenty of tasty restaurants in Las Vegas, nothing is going to ramp up the festivities like STK at The Cosmopolitan. Fresh, dope, whatever you want to call it, STK is that. Yeah, the steaks are delicious, the drinks are bomb.com and the side dishes taste so good they’ll make you want to slap yo mama, but the reason you’re coming here is for the party. STK has an in-house DJ! Who knew a foie gras party could be so fun? But if your bunions aren’t quite feelin’ up to it, The Cosmopolitan has another restaurant worthy of birthday exploits. Beauty & Essex is the handcrafted cocktail lounge to STK’s super-club vibe. Beauty & Essex is fun, intimate, the food is good and there’s a pawn shop theme! The steaks and raw bar get a lot of the attention for obvious reasons, but the Tito Jackson of the menu is the grilled cheese and tomato soup dumplings. These guys deserve some shine.

Sliding into those party pants

Photo Courtesy of Hakkasan Group

Now that you’ve got a little foodergy, it’s time to turn up for the club. The nightclubs in Las Vegas are the best in the world. You know it, we know it, our gram gram knows it. When you’re looking for a place to get your eagle on, we have a soft spot in our hearts for Hakkasan at MGM Grand and Omnia at Caesars Palace. Both are Hakkasan Group party palaces, both have residencies by world-famous DJ’s and both are bigger than that maze in Harry Potter (so don’t go wandering without turning your GPS on). And whether you’re trying to hit the club or skip it altogether, no birthday in Las Vegas is complete without a trip to the strip club. Strip clubs in Las Vegas are some of the best in the world. Why? The talent, dummy. While you can’t go wrong with any of the gentlemen’s clubs in town, we vote for Spearmint Rhino because their dancers are knockout, dime pieces and know how to treat a man (Porsche, if you’re reading this, our feelings haven’t changed). And its proximity to Wynn Las Vegas and Treasure Island puts it within stumbling distance of the Strip. Couples and ladies should also give Sapphire a look. Sapphire hosts “Men of Sapphire,” under the same roof, so ladies can sit back and enjoy some action as well. Regardless of which adult venue you choose, if you’re not careful, you can easily exit one of these joints with an empty savings account. Don’t be that person.

And just like that, you have the blueprint for an all-time birthday bash. Your birthday in Las Vegas is going to be the one that all other birthdays are compared to. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. We’ll just be hangin’ out, practicing our “Holidays in Las Vegas” carol.

Comments

It gets cold in Northern Nevada. Like, Leo in “The Revenant,” type of cold. Maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, but after spending the majority of my life up north, I was ready to kick the crappy weather to the curb and start working on my year-round tan. Initially, my desire to move to Las Vegas solely revolved around the weather, and that’s it. Little did I know what this city truly had to offer. Where else can you pop into a grocery store at 3 a.m. and see a showgirl buying almond milk and kale, or hit the local dry cleaners to catch a Cirque performer dropping off their costume? This town is 24/7 excitement, and I haven’t even mentioned gettin’ down at the hottest nightclub or the questionable decisions you make at sketchy downtown dive bars. Adventure in abundance is why I love Vegas. And it’s usually available where you least expect it.